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The human race needs constant supervision.

True love does not an unannounced urine test require.

A friend in need is a fiend indeed.

An optimist sees the glass half full; a pessimist sees only a remote chance that a carjacker will return his car with a full tank of gas.

When properly compacted, an amazing number of repressed feelings can be successfully stored in the average-sized subconscious.

The less the chance of salvation, the greater the need to root for a snowball in hell.

I caught the void fondling the abyss.

There is some question as to the deterrent effect of eternal damnation.

I refuse to drink with a crumbling civilization.

I favor expansion of search and seizure laws to protect information inadvertently gained through cat-scans.

Due to the unrelenting and irrevocable nature of man's inhumanity to man, all new construction on the evolutionary curve is hereby suspended pending further notice.

The validity of my urine test is in question, pending the outcome of my urine tester's urine test